


Locked In, Can’t Breathe

by diet_affection



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Crying, Emotional Constipation, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Keith (Voltron) is a Mess, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) is Bad at Feelings, Love Confessions, M/M, Pining Lance (Voltron), Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, Suicide Attempt, They're okay in the end, suicidal keith
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-20
Updated: 2018-04-20
Packaged: 2019-04-25 13:06:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,129
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14379276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/diet_affection/pseuds/diet_affection
Summary: The red blinking came from a small square at the periphery of the map. Lance’s eyes focused as he realized where in the castle that would be.An airlock ..?Who the hell had opened an airlock at four in the fucking morning?// (Attempted) suicide warning





	Locked In, Can’t Breathe

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote at 3 AM one night, while I was in a MoodTM and listening to Fade to Black (<\--recommended soundtrack if you want to be sad).

Lance yawned. He was leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping a glass of water in the dimness of the room. It was the ungodly hour of 4 AM, and he had awoken with a burning need for water ten minutes ago – the party last night had been fun, but he had drunk too much and ended up feeling like shit by the time he got home to the castle ship. He felt better now, a bit dry-mouthed perhaps, but still okay. The celebration had only been one of many lately – they had been completing missions right and left, freeing worlds and rescuing peoples every other day. It had been a blur of accomplishments. Lance smiled wryly to himself and wondered why it still didn’t feel right.

An electronic ping brought him out of his musing. Lance put his glass down. The sound continued, a low beeping that seemed to come from the control room. With another yawn, he went to see what the big deal was. As he entered the room, ceiling arched high above him, windows framing a multitude of stars, he could see a red light emitting from the control panel; blinking in time to the beeps. Lance walked over and dragged a hand over his face, blinking drowsily down at the panel. A map of the castle was shown in sharp white lines, scattered with nonsensical phrases in altean. The red blinking came from a small square at the periphery of the map. Lance’s eyes focused as he realized where that would be.

_An airlock ..?_

_Who the hell has opened an airlock at four in the fucking morning?_

He felt fully awake now, knowing this was either some sort of system failure or an enemy attack. Both was bad news.

He began running towards the airlock, heart pumping adrenaline though his veins, washing away the last remains of drowsiness.

_I should bring a weapon –_

He was almost there, it would be stupid to turn back now. Even though he wasn’t exactly the embodiment of the galra’s worst fears right now; in a huge, hand-me-down shirt from Hunk with the NASA logo in faded print, and loose shorts reaching barely hallway down his freckled thighs. Oh well, it would have to do.

With heaving breath, he rounded the last corner and braced himself for an enemy encounter.

Instead, he saw a lonely figure standing crouched over in the airlock, a silhouette of dead black against the scintillation of space. He stepped closer, hesitantly, feeling like the shape was so awfully familiar –

Keith.

At first, he was only feeling confusion. Why would Keith be opening an airlock in the middle of the night? Where was he headed? As he stepped closer, he noticed more and more things that seemed… _off_ , and dread begun creeping into the marrow of his bones.

Keith wasn’t wearing a suit.

He was dressed in a crumpled shirt and sweatpants, his feet bare.

His hair was a mess, his eyes dark and bloodshot, his face looking strange and wrong.

This was all _wrong_.

 

And as Keith lifted his hand shakily towards the panel that would open the outer door and rip him into the coldness of space, Lance felt ice cold panic tear though his body.

“No!”

He scrambled forward, throwing himself against the door, franticly trying to get in. _Keith -_  He fumbled with the panel, but the door wouldn’t open, not with the door closed from the other side. _Fuck – no!_ In desperation, he slammed his hands against the glass pane.

“Keith! What are you doing?”

His scream tore through the silence of the night, and Keith glanced up, hands still hovering over the button that would kill him. Their eyes met, and Lance’s heart broke.

He had never seen eyes look that ruined before.

Taking a sharp breath, Lance resumed his shouting.

“Open the door! Keith! Come on, let me in!”

Keith hesitated. He turned against him, lips parting with words he couldn’t hear. Then his face fell, twisted into a grimace of pain and shame – and his hand lifted against the panel again.

“No, God, no – Stop it! Stop that, Keith, come on, don’t do it! Don’t fucking –“

His voice was breaking as he screamed, hammering his fists against the glass.

_Why, Keith, dear Keith, why are you doing this?_

“Don’t! Please … Please!”

Lance felt sobs tearing though his chest, tears dripping freely down his chin, streaking his shirt with wet spots.

Keith had frozen again, his face still twisted and conflicted. Thoughts seemed to be flitting across his face as different expression faltered one after the other. His gaze was jumping around, unsure and panicked, never finding a safe spot to rest in.

“Look at me, please, just look at me!”

Lance banged his forehead against the glass. And then his fists again, until he could feel the skin on his knuckles splitting and blood welling up, staining the glass with red smudges.

A knock on the other side of the glass brought his head back up. Keith was right there. He was talking again, looking wrecked as his mouth moved with emphasis.

“Keith, look at me.”

His eyes seemed to catch the movement of his lips, for he shook his head while biting his lip. His hands came up to cover his face.

“It’s okay. It’s okay.”

Lance kept saying the phrase, voice hoarse, until Keith’s fingers split and his gaze fell down to his lips again, catching the words he was repeating. A sob seemed to wreck though his body, and he leant forward until his forehead was pressing against the glass, a hand lifted to support himself. Lance pushed his own bleeding palm against where Keith’s was.

“I’m here. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

Trying to dry his tear-stained cheeks with the other hand, Lance forced himself to smile.

“You can stay. It’s all right.”

Keith’s eyes were clinging to him, wide and frightened. His hand clenched together at the other side of the window. Then his lips moved, and this time Lance managed to catch the meaning.

_I’m so sorry._

And then:

_I’m so pathetic._

Lance felt air leave his lungs in a rush, the words hitting him like a shock wave.

Why would he ever think -?

“Open the door,” was all he could say. “Open it, Keith, _please_.”

Hiding his face behind his arm, Keith reached out and touched the panel that finally opened the door separating them.

The sight of the other boy, shaking and looking so _small_ and fragile, was more than he could bear. Lance rushed forward and before he could form an idea of how to best deal with this, his arms had pulled Keith into a tight embrace. Probably too tight, going by the sharp exhale that left the other as he was pressed into Lance’s chest – but he just had to hold on. The thought of what had almost happened, that he for some incomprehensible reason had just almost _lost_ him – it just tore him apart.

“Why, why, why,” he was whispering brokenly into his hair. “Why would you do that?”

Keith gasped against his chest, breath heaving and shaking as he tried to form words.

“I’m so – I don’t… You don’t – need me –“

“What are you saying?”

“I’m not – _needed!_ ”, Keith spat out, suddenly pushing away from him.

“Don’t you see? Don’t you …? I’m not necessary! I don’t have a lion! You don’t need me on your missions, you’ve been doing just fine without me these past weeks. And that’s truly great, I’m so happy for you – but ever since I returned, you’ve barely looked at me – I’ve felt so fucking useless – just training by myself while you’ve been saving the universe – hiding in my room to not bother your celebration – so damn _pathetic!”_

“The Blade –“

“They threw me out, idiot! I lied about taking a break. I can’t – I’m not capable of following the proper _procedure_ , or whatever, they wanted the mission to be more important than the people involved, and I couldn’t do it, okay!”

Keith screamed into his face, hands tearing at his shirt.

“The Blade don’t want me. Don’t need me. And you guys don’t need me, _you_ don’t need me – like the Garrison didn’t want me, and my parents – I just can’t _take_ it anymore! Don’t you see that? I need to –“

His voice broke apart into a sob.

“Just let me go, Lance. You don’t have to be a hero. Just _leave_ me.”

He tried to step back, but Lance followed, clasping his shoulders and pulling him back towards himself.

“Stop it!”, Keith sneered and pushed at his arms, punching at his stomach. Lance tightened his grip, burying his face in Keith’s shoulder as half-hearted blows rained against his back and ribs.

“Let me go …”

“I won’t.”

“Why, Lance? Can’t you just forget you saw me here?”

“I’ll never forget -!”

“Why are you doing this?”

“You’re important to me!”

A shaky breath left the other. The punches stopped.

“I’m not.”

“Don’t say that. How would you know?”

“I just do.”

“You’re wrong,” Lance breathed into the fabric of Keith’s shirt.

“So, so wrong. I think you’re amazing. I honestly do. I love the way you never give up. You’re strong, and beautiful, and capable. God knows what we’d do without you.”

“What, without the ‘loner’? I think you’d manage,” Keith laughed without humor.

“Do you even -? Do you really not know?”

“ _What_?”

Lance pulled back, searching the other’s face, desperate to convey his thoughts; those _feelings_ he never knew how to talk about. His voice softened.

“Of course you don’t. Cause I never told you.”

He sniffed.

“S’my fault.”

“Why?”

“I had – oh God, I can’t believe I’m actually telling you this – back at the Garrison, I had the biggest crush on you. Like, _stupidly_ big. I sat right behind you in class, did you know that? Probably not. You were all I ever talked about to Pidge and Hunk. I’m so impressed they’ve never said anything to you. When you dropped out, I moped for weeks. Even Hunk was ready to murder someone at that point.

Anyway, when I bumped into you while saving Shiro, and you didn’t even recognize me, it really broke my heart. And my default reaction to any negative emotion, well, you should know by now. Jokes! And teasing, and bickering, and – well, it led to this stupid rivalry thing. Which we eventually got past, and then you were suddenly opening up to me, and had the goddamn audacity to _smile_ at me while _holding my hand,_ and I just panicked. Guess I was scared of reading something wrong again, doing something wrong as I always do. I’d rather keep that fragile friendship than risk ruining it to get some romance in my life.”

Drawing a deep breath, he leant forward, gripping the other’s shoulders with determination.

“So I guess what I’m saying is, you _are_ important to me. So very important, it’s ridiculous. And it’s okay if you don’t want me like that, or anything, if I _did_ misread those signs – the point still stands. I. Fucking. Care. And so do the others. So don’t you dare go disappear on us. It would literally break me. Scratch that, it’s not about me. It’s you. Live for yourself, you know? You deserve that.”

Keith was crying silently, trembling while saltwater kept spilling down his cheeks, streaking his face. With a small hiccup, he buried his head in Lance’s NASA shirt and mumbled brokenly into the already tear-soaked fabric.

“Make a joke. Please. Can’t take this atmosphere.”

Lance weaved his fingers though messy, black hair, trying to keep from bursting into tears again himself.

“I’ve learnt my lesson there. Not everything should be joked about.”

“ _Please_ , Lance.”

Forcing a shaky smile, Lance lifted Keith’s head from his shoulder and tried to wipe his cheeks with his thumbs.

“Careful there, or you’ll drown.”

Keith broke into a little half-sob, half-laugh, new tears dripping down on Lance’s hands.

“That’s not even funny.”

“What are you saying, I’m not funny?”, Lance tried to laugh, “I’m the funny one, you know, the goofball, the sharpshooter. And you’re the grumpy emo kid, the hothead, the badass samurai. We’re a team, you know?”

“We’re a team,” Keith whispered back. “Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Come back with me, Keith. Let’s go to bed. You’ll sleep with me – in my room, I mean, nothing weird – I just need to have you close for a while, okay? Knowing you’re safe.”

Keith inhaled deeply, letting the last few tears fall before releasing his breath heavily, and with it, some of the brokenness in his eyes. He wasn’t healed, but he wouldn’t fall apart. His voice carried the weight of his decision to stay, here, with people that loved him.

“Okay.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: [keith-in-shibari](https://keith-in-shibari.tumblr.com/) (nsfw art, klance art, fic updates and more)
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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